Plaid To Meet You

Loyal viewers and casual clickers who encountered this blog through StumbleUpon alike, welcome. I've had much to blog about since my last entry, but my schedule never afforded me an oportunity to publish my ideas to cyberspace. Instead, I wrote a few ideas down in a journal, but this entry has been on my mind for many many MANY days. Today, I'll attempt to debunk a very common social phenomenon as I usually do in an effort to derive life on this blue speck on the Milky Way. You know, it's been awhile since I've defined a term, so I'll to so at this time. Today, I'll be talking about what I call The Gravitational Jaw Drop (I'll refer to this as GJD for short throughout the rest of this post).


When I first laid eyes on The Gravitational Jaw Drop, I knew I was onto something big. This first encounter occurred during my senior year of high school in my Calculus class. My teacher, Dominic Sinopoli, would often use a program on the computer called MAPLE to illustrate graphical displays of functions and their respective Calc-related theorems for the class using an overhead projector. Anyway, overtime, I noticed that whenever he'd look at the computer monitor, his eyes would squint, although he wore glasses, and his mouth would, for no apparent reason drop. That's right. He wasn't at the dentist on the receiving end of that dreaded command, "OPEN UP!". Oh no. He was in his habitat- the math room, yet this is where the GJD occurred.

I completely forgot about this phenomenon until about 2 weeks ago when I was in a Pre-Med meeting with the professor of the Biology department. He, too, was trying to use the overhead projector, and whenever he'd look at his laptop screen the GJD scene unfolded as though he was an actor on stage. His eyes squinted as if they unduced an increase in gravity exclusively for his face, and as expected, his mouth dropped until the task was complete and his eyes reverted to normal width- thus returning his facial gravity levels to normal. Viewers, you're probably scratching your heads in disbelief here. I know. I know. Just take a look at the image below.

This is NOT my high school math teacher, but he, too, is exhibiting the Gravitational Jaw Drop. After seeing my Calculus teacher, my Biology professor, and this old man who's apparently very plaid to meet his new computer all display the GJD, I had to write this entry. I began to think about this, viewers, and I concluded that this phenomenon occurs EXCLUSIVELY among males above the age of 50, and I even wagered that this is the exclusively male alternative to the Humingo. (BTW- if you don't get my reference to the Humingo, then you owe it to yourself to read my blog titled "Family Hominidae Meets Family Phoenicopteridae" in June.) Okay, where was I? That's right- Gravitational Jaw Drop only occuring in males. I was convinced that this was the case UNTIL I thought back to my various visits to museums.

Those artsy fartsy folks at museums love to produce artwork meant to stretch human imagination and all sorts of strange non-scientific stuff. On occasion, as opposed to hanging art on the wall, they'll post it from the ceiling. This situation utterly disproves the male exclusiveness of the GJD, for when every museu-spectator views such art- their jaws drop like anesthetized flies and remain in the downward position until their heads return to a normal forward position.

I had to rethink my definition on this term. While I was correct in linking the squinting of the eyes to an increase in gravity thus compelling one's jaw to drop, it seems that the raising of one's head, too, causes an increase in potential downward force thus causing one's mouth to open. I think I've made my point, and I won't beat away at a dead horse anymore. Check out the pics below. People, both young and old, single and married, bald and hairy, and even President Obama, exhibit the Gravitational Jaw Drop!

I knew I was onto something, viewers, and boy do these pictures prove it. What do you think? Am I right about the GJD? When have you noticed this occurrence in life? Or am I completely wrong in my analysis? Post your comments below, and as always, thanks for reading!