Passing the Pencil Test

The human machine is so complex, intricate, and overall unique that modern science can't even explain some of its processes in our day and age. Modern science/technology is amazing though. It can explain and manufacture devices that can pass Earth's atmosphere with enough tangential velocity to exist in orbit; companies even mass produce dehydrated space ice cream. Truly, our society is reaching new feats every day, but we still can't explain something humans have been doing since the beginning of time- thinking.

The human mind has been sensing, integrating, and processing innumerable audible, sensational, visual, chemical, and olfactory inputs daily. Science explains the way in which these senses are taken in and the consequences of these inputs, but I think it's amazing that we really aren't able to explain how I can inaudibly think, "I like corn". We're getting close though with such innovations like mind controlled computers and devices, but that's besides my point. My point is that one human mind is complex. When you add two or more minds into the equation, things get a little dicey. I'm not talking about scientific research whereby two or more brains are placed on a table close to each other for observation. I'm talking about a conversation. If science can't figure out how one person thinks, how are people supposed to try or even succeed at connecting with another individual and perform in a conversation?

Everyone's different. Some people are naturally gifted at speech, but others are socially inept. Regardless of your conversational prowess, I think all viewers can glean something from reading this blog geared towards propagating successful conversational skills in which I'll provide a few helpful tips. Pay attention, viewers. You might learn something.

If you haven't realized it yet, I'm a guy. Let me tell you a little bit about my kind. Male viewers, I hope you back me up here. For us who proudly wield a penis, few things in life are seriously considered. Life is always changing. It doesn't make sense to follow up/focus on something that won't be the same a few moments from now or is fruitless, does it? It doesn't. As such, we meet life with a general sense of apathy. We aren't observant. We're mentally dull. We're unfazed, and we're unimpressed. Most times, we just don't care, and if it were possible, we could care less than that. Fact. Things get tricky for us when we encounter situations requiring observation and attention usually. Both of those factors, observation and attention, coalesce with one conversational disaster- the female.

Females are different. Female viewers, correct me if I'm wrong. Your kind is emotional, involved, observant, and all that is sugar, spice, and everything nice, or so I've heard. Women like to be noticed, too. I'm sure you get my point here.

When you place these two opposing sexes together in the conversational arena, interesting things happen. Usually, the presence of a female engaging a male in conversation sharpens his dull, uninterested, unimpressed mind. From my experiences, most times, this doesn't occur. Guys bring in their, simple, unobservant, run-of-the-mill ideas and attention spans, and we tend to forget things. This results in repetitive questioning and tautologies of the most annoying and confusing sort culminating in what i call "conversational Armageddon". In this situation, the lady feels unappreciated and sad- for good reason. Guys and girls alike, if you've ever found yourself in this situation before, consider this: Conversational Mirroring.

If the other party in conversation moves their head to the left, move your head to the right. To reassure your conversational partner that you're interested and listening, reiterate important points. Also, use hand gestures to engage the conversation. Heck, if you're talking to someone that you're really comfortable with or that you really fancy, include the occasional touch. Yes-it's one of the five senses that you learned about in kindergarten, but it's crucial.

On the flip side- if you're NOT interested in continuing a conversation, body language is KEY. Fold your arms and rock back and forth thus hinting your inattentiveness and overall dissatisfaction with the way the conversation is going. If the person you're talking to is persistent and self absorbed and you have an iPhone, fear not. If you fall into this category, be sure to install the Fake A Call application. This is the time to use it. Initiate that fake call, and answer it as though God Himself is calling collect from the pay phone outside the pearly gates of Heaven.

But what happens if you're an adept conversationalist? You're so good at engaging that you're maintaining eye contact, you're using your arms to gesture, you're body language is receptive and encouraging communication, but then you slip. You say something that you should NOT have said. Let me paint a situation. F= Female. M= Male

F= Does this dress make me look fat?
M= Not this one, but the one you wore last week gave you thunder thighs.
[insert awkward silence coupled with impending wrath here]
If you ever find yourself in a situation like this, you know what this deafening silence before the storm feels like, but there is one phrase you can utter, without diminishing your pride, that will abate the storm- if said within a proper 5 second window. Ready for this phrase? Watch closely.
Just Saying.

Now watch the difference.
F= Does this dress make me look fat?
M= Not this one, but the one you wore last week gave you thunder thighs. . . .just saying.
F= Honey, you're right.

It's fool proof. Those two words combined produce what I call a conversational neutralizer. Anything you say can and will be neutralized when those two words are added at the end of the phrase in question.

Well, viewers, there you have it.
Go forth and exhume great conversational skills.
Make me proud, and post comments below!

The Slaughter of Calderon Whale in Denmark

Viewer's Discretion is Advised for the Images Below

Viewers, I saw this article and it's alarming, so I have to share it-pictures included. Read below:

"Whales are sensitive, social animals with highly developed nervous systems. They have a profound capacity to suffer distress, terror and pain. Each year, the Faroese kill pilot whales and other small cetaceans.

Islanders in motorboats first drive the whales into a bay. The chase may be lengthy. The exhausted, terrified and confused whales are eventually driven into the shallows. Here the bloodbath begins. The islanders repeatedly hammer 2.2 kg metal gaffs into the living flesh of each whale until the hooks hold. A 15 cm knife is then used to slash through the blubber and flesh to the spinal column. Next the main blood vessels are severed. The blood-stained bay is soon filled with horribly mutilated and dying whales.

The Faroese celebrate the butchery of their victims in an carnival atmosphere of entertainment. Indoctrinated from an early age, children are often given a day off school to watch the fun. They run down to the bay and clamber over the carcasses of slaughtered whales.

Every year around 2,000 whales are driven ashore and cruelly slaughtered in the Faroe Islands, mid-way between the Shetland Islands and Iceland. For centuries the Faroe Islanders have hunted pilot whales, driving entire schools into killing bays, where they are speared or gaffed from boats, dragged ashore and butchered with knives. Although the Islands are a protectorate of Denmark, they have their own Government and regulations governing the pilot whale hunt or “grind” as it is known.

Aside from the fact that the number of North Atlantic long-finned pilot whales is unknown and they are listed as 'strictly protected’ by the Convention on the Conservation of European Wildlife and Natural Habitats, this is an act of barbarism and pointlessness. By slaughtering 100 whales at a time, the Faroese are wiping out entire pods and family groups. They are removing building blocks from the gene pool of the species and damaging the web of life in the North Atlantic and the North Sea.

The drive hunt is a practice abandoned elsewhere many decades ago, and now outlawed by other European states. The inhabitants of the Faroe Islands have no subsistence need for whale meat, and much of the flesh is left to rot and be dumped; it cannot be exported, as it is polluted with heavy metals and other toxins and therefore cannot meet EU heath standards for human food.

According to Faroese legislation it is also permitted to hunt certain species of small cetaceans other than pilot whales. These include: Bottlenose dolphin; Atlantic white-beaked dolphin; Atlantic white-sided dolphin; and Harbour porpoise (There are also specific regulations for the hunting of harbour porpoise. Harbour porpoises are killed with shotguns).

I really don’t know how we can stop this act.I searched and I have found their prime minister’s website that has an email.

Probably we can send all together to his info@tinganes.fo e-mail to stop this slaughter.
I have no more words for this mates. I hope to give an end to this slaughter as fast as possible.

His email address is info@tinganes.fo
The Prime Minister’s website is http://www.tinganes.fo/Default.aspx?AreaID=11"

Downes, You Goofed Up.

Yesterday, I spent my Thursday nights as I usually do- at church with my friend Annie and whichever OgleFriends come along. As you may see from the picture, I attended 12 Stone Church. As you may also see, it is quite large- inside and out. Thursday nights are geared towards college students in a program called Water's Edge. Contrary to the picture above, it's not a private lake community (that picture is in no way affiliated with Water's Edge- I snagged it from cyberspace). See how big it is? See how many people are there? Okay. Good. Keep that in mind, viewers. Here we go!

It's 1:16AM, and It's Good Friday. Accordingly, last night's program at church was centered on Christ's crucifixion. Right now we're focussing on Paul's interaction with the Greeks in Acts 17:24-31 where he encounters their altar dedicated "to an unknown God". If you're interested in the meaning behind that altar's name- post a comment of inquiry, and I'll let you know. In a nutshell, we discussed soteriology, the origin and design of salvation, and we concluded that Jesus is our Substitute, Redeemer, Justification, Righteousness, Propitiation, and Expiation. Phew, that was a mouthful. Onto the crux of the evening. . .

If you scroll up to the image spear heading this blog, you'll notice a small head sandwiched between large images. That's Kevin Queen, and he was the guest speaker for the evening. Contrary to his last name, he spoke with manly precision and power in expounding on the Scripture. When he concluded, he asked the audience to sit down and pray. Everyone sat, and I, too, followed suit. As I prayed, I pondered what I could do to aid the Christian cause. "What could I do to tell more people about Jesus?", I wondered. Soon after this thought bounced around in a most active convolution of my mind, another thought bounced back, "You should edit that book you're reading and post it as an E-book online." Talk about an instantly answered prayer! I'll give you more information on this endeavour later, viewers. After I finished praying, I purposed in my heart that, for once, after everyone finishes praying, I would be the first person to stand up as the speaker asks everyone to.

Soon after I had that newfound purpose, the time came. I heard a monoculture of "amen" among the vast sea of believers, and soon after heads were rising, I was on my feet- bright eyed and bushy taled with purpose and pride reigning strong in my heart. I looked around, and one other person stood. Seconds later, another person stood. I looked around, and I realized that something went fearfully awry.
NO ONE ELSE WAS STANDING!
I quickly looked around in fear, and I began clenching my fists in nervousness. Before I knew it I saw the speaker rising on stage, and the lights were on. All of the seated saints had their eyes fixed on the few standing souls. There was no way to get out of this one. I held my head high, and listened to Pastor Queen say with a smile on his face, "Great. Isn't this beautiful! You've all come through the nervousness, and you're standing. Embrace it." Next, the audience was clapping, and it seemed like all 3-400 eyes in the audience were fixed on me. It turns out that I stood up to signify that I just came to Christ and accepted his sacrifice. I TOTALLY missed this point when I was focussed in prayer. I thought to myself, "Downes, you goofed up."

Now, I've been a Christian all of my life. I felt the heat from being nervous rise to my head, and I could swear I was as red as a beet. I looked to the left, and Annie gave me a smile mixed with satisfaction and wonder. I knew there was no escaping this one. After the program concluded and people exited, two people gave me a hug accompanied by words of assurance which articulated how happy they felt that I just experienced Christ's salvation. I accepted them warmly. After all, who would, after receiving applause from 400 people and praise from the speaker, seek to correct such a mess? I wouldn't. I did however tell Annie and Clair, the other OgleFriend who came to the event, and they laughed so hard that they cried. Annie asked me to tell Kevin, and he, too, laughed at my blunder.

HOW EMBARRASSING! I'm usually a confident guy, but I was so nervous in those few moments. What a Thursday night! It was quite the experience, and I hope you enjoyed reading, viewers. As always, I'm interested in your thoughts. You know what to do!

April Fools From Above, and Life Is Very Long.

You're persistent. No. That's an understatement. Viewers, some of you are nice, but others are quite relentless! These adamant, heartless, and somewhat loving souls nag, e-mail, text, and even facebook me requesting blogs! Where do such people get off? The nerve of them!
JUST KIDDING!
The fact is: I've been really meaning to blog for awhile now, but I've been just too darn busy as you'll see in this blog. My mental "blogging sense" has been tingling for awhile. Nevertheless, life has been unusually interesting, so this blog might be worth reading. . . .hopefully.

The photo for this blog is quite different than most. For one, if you notice, it has nothing to do with me, and for me, it evokes a lot of emotion and hesitance. It does, however, have EVERYTHING to do with what I call my "April Fools From Above". I've only told 6 people about this occurrence in person; I didn't plan on telling anyone else really. But my viewers are special, so today if you're reading my blog, you'll get the full dream as I recall it best. I promise.

On March 31st of last week, I had quite the unusual dream. I was on my way to go to church with my mom, and as usual, she rushed into my room and chastised me because I always wait for the last minute to get ready. (Funny thing about guys- we get ready in <10minutes, style="font-style: italic;">stopped doing certain things, I would one day return. I was not pleased that I had to leave, and my body language suggested that I protested having to leave (the dream was in third person by the way). The scene changed and I was on a straight dirt road surrounded by a forest on the left and right sides of me. I walked straight along the road, and a song from a popular metal band that I listened to came into my head, and I remember thinking, "No. I can't think about this if I want to go to heaven." I dismissed the thought from my head and walked along the straight road, and a group of my friends from high school surrounded me eventually all asking me to hang out and go to the movies all at once. I stepped out of their circle and said with my hands raised as though I was overwhelmed and flustered and said, "Whoa. I can't do that. Jesus said that I can't do that if I want to go to heaven." And I woke up.

I was very hesitant about sharing this dream at first. I'm still a little unnerved as I write even now because it is quite an outlandish dream. I won't go into the interpretation of it at all. I'll let my viewers take a stab at it. If you care to, comment on what you think it means or if you think it means something at all. I will tell you that since then, I ceased listening to music of that ilk, and whenever a thought comes to my head of that genre of music, I try to shrug it off, although it's becoming increasingly more difficult- especially as of late.

Okay. All supernatural occurrences aside, life in the academic world has been increasingly busy as of late! I formulated my 4 year plan for my double major in Biology and Spanish with a minor in Psychology, and I'm slowly, but surely, working away at it now. I've come to accept the fact that I'll be taking summer courses for the next 3 summers of my life, and that every semester from here onwards will be increasingly difficult. For example, next fall I'll tentatively be taking 19 credit hours in the following courses: Biology: Human Sexuality, Biology Oral Presentations, English: Human Nature of the Social Order, Teacher's Assistance in a Spanish Learning Community Class, Historical Spanish Literature and Chemistry I and Lab. I've also mentally committed to joining the Navy after undergrad. to offset most of the costs of Medical School thus ensuring me a constant, though likely non stationary job, as Naval Heart Surgeon 8 years down the line of time.Things will be tough, but I will not say the dreaded 3 letter acronym that I blogged about earlier, although its index is quite high on facebook and throughout campuses throughout the nation during this time, I'm sure.

In Biology Lab. right now, I'm a part of the Macro-Invertebrates group, and I had the pleasure of going with my group to the Blue Heron Nature Preserve to collect macro invertebrates, invertebrates which function as indicators of water quality. All and all, we spent three hours sifting, looking, and catching in boots with water up to your kneed, and if you were lucky like me, you got water in your boots. Check out the pictures below.

If my memory serves me correctly, above is a Crane Fly Maggot



As of Monday of this week at around 4am, I began campaigning to be Sophomore class President. My team and I stayed up until 5am working out the kinks and editing my campaign commercial which was posted on facebook. Consequently, for staying up so late, I failed a Biology quiz. At least I'll be class President, and that totally makes up for the 50% I got on that quiz. . . .right? lol. While taking the quiz, I observed an interesting social phenomenon that, I believe, occurs mostly during quizzes, tests, or any situation where individuals are focused in a quiet and populated area. I think I'll call it The Law of Sniffs. The LoS states that: Every individual in this situation has an innate desire to sniff in a most annoying presence, but everyone is so self conscious that no one wants to be the first sniffer, BUT when that first sniff happens, 3-7 sniffs happen in a domino effect that would make the observer wonder if someone is passing the cold/flu around the room. This law might be a stretch, folks, but it's true! Take a moment to listen to the sequence of sniffs during your next examination. I think this works for coughs too. Anyway, despite not knowing 50% of the other information on the quiz, I did learn some new information yesterday. Oglethorpe University had a health fair, and I attended. Below you'll see all of the items I snagged for free. Ah the joys of being a poor and miserly college student.

As you can see, I stocked up on multicolored condoms, odorless female deodorant, fruit snacks that tasted like Vaseline, toothpaste, "Goody's", and female shaving cream- the bare essentials.
As I perused the layout of free items, I tried to get in and grab whatever I could without soliciting conversation from the person standing at the opposite end of their table. Usually avoiding eye contact works, but this one guy had a table equipped with carbonated beverages aligned in a triangular shape of trippy colors promising a sure caffeinated delight with a curious sign which challenged my intellectual capabilities. I was drawn in like a fly into a bug zapper. I'm sure you will be too after you see the image below:
Compare. Such a simple command juxtaposed with varying amounts of sugar and cans which offer consumers an energy orgasm. I was shocked to notice how much sugar is loaded in many of the popular energy drinks though. I'm not sure if you can make out the images in this mini-picture, but if you click it, I'm sure it enlarges in a new window. If not, let me run by the sugar counts in a couple of the popular ones: Full Throttle: 37g, Red Bull: 27g, and Rockstar 31g.
Those of you who will be driven to consume such beverages during finals week- beware! Each can almost entirely guarantees you diabetes when you're older. Looking for that caffeinated kick without the sugar? Well just focus at the top of the pyramid and you'll find XS Energy Drink which supposedly offers the same energy boost without any sugar. It even has herbs, a stellar blend of B-vitamins, and comes without caffeine upon request. Give it a whirl, and save your brain and body from a sugar crash for once. It's supposed to work, or at least that's what Ralph, the representative told me. :)

After I left Ralph's booth, I turned around and saw a pretty bowl full of Twix bars. I was sold. I dove in for the kill, and I realized that the candy was situated on the female gynecologist table. In this moment, I faced a similar mental conflict to the one every guy faces when their significant other asks them to go into a female store. I was hesitant, but in an effort to please my lover whom I call Duodenum, I did eat. (Did you catch the Bio joke there?) I was kind of glad I did actually because the ladies behind the desk assured me that they had nothing at the table that could POSSIBLY interest me. They encouraged me to take their chocolate and go on about my business. Well their reverse psychology wouldn't work on me! After they said this, I looked around that table like I looked at no other. Wait until you see what they wanted me to miss.
ARTIFICIAL BOOBS

That's right, ladies and gentlemen. They almost duped me into believing that I was not interested in breasts. After all, which guy is- they probably reasoned. Viewers, I was born at night, but not LAST night! I inquired about these two varying skin toned mock mammary gland pouches and inquired of their importance. The told me they were for breast examinations. AHA!
At this rate- I was utterly disgusted and turned away screaming for dear life.

AS IF!

I made them teach me how to give a proper breast examination! Viewers, I'll share this information with you for free. Here's how you do it. First, you place your hands in a cup shape. . .almost like the shape your hand would have when turning a door knob, and you lightly and gently circumnavigate the breast. I think this part is for both the patient and doctor's pleasure, although the ladies who taught me this never endorsed this idea. Next, using your pointer and middle fingers, you press down semi-firmly around the breast, and you feel for lumpy stuff in there. You'll be pleased to know that I found them all no my first try :) Needless to say- I'm a pro. So uh, *cough* *cough* for the sake of proper health and medical science, female viewers in need of a proper breast examination who would rather not pay the $50 copay fee to the doctors, just consider Erik Downes ;)

Well viewers, I've got to go eat dinner.
Thanks for reading, and as always, you're comments are appreciated.
Adios!

P.S.

My last night was quite the amazing evening. My friend Balbir is the only Sikh currently attending Oglthorpe University, and he invited me to his friend's home for an evening of fine Indian cuisine. That's what I was expecting, but I received so much more. Not only was the food premium and tenfold more flavorful and diverse than anything Bon Appetit, OU's cafateria service, has to offer, I learned so much more culturally. While the meal was being prepared, I was fortunate enough to see the Guru Granth Sahib if I remember correctly. This phrase connotes the closing of the sacred book while saying a series of prayers. This process begins usually 2 hours before sunrise when the book is opened and unwrapped and ends at night at sunset when it is wrapped again for the night. Whomever unwraps it before daybreak turns to a random page and reads a passage. This passage is to be meditated or thought about throughout the day. During this process, I covered my head, as all Sikhs do, and tried to keep up as everything was in a different language. After it was complete, he explained everything to me, and now I'm relaying it to you, viewers. This was so awesome for me because I am amazed at the religious devotion that they have in this ceremony. It was really sobering and caused me to wonder how much higher my quality of life would be if I woke up and incorporated some degree of God-time into my morning and daily musings. Ponder that about your respective faith, folksies.

Unfortunately, I was unable to get a photo of the Guru Granth Sahib process, but I ran a Google search, and this is what the sacred book set up resembles in a less ornate manner.
As I conclude this P.S, I just wanted to share 2 random things:

1) A link to a pick up line generator. Some people may find this helpful. My favorite line so far is, "If I told you your body was attractive, would you hold it against me?" I don't think I quoted it correctly, but it's amazing nonetheless.

2) I decided to post two pictures of two of my OgleFriends enjoying their meals at our cafeteria. Just because.