Just Say When

Before I get into the (fecal) matter of this blog {PUN INTENDED} let me just address some business to the iPhone users on my blog. If you do not have an iPhone, then do not read the underlined text below, for to you, it'll be irrelevant:
I used to devote a large portion of this blog advertising a repository of my own iPhone apps that people could download. One of my viewers contacted me recently and informed me that they don't work due to Apple's restriction caused by a lack of authorization in iTunes. For this, I apologize, and I am grateful that Chris shared this feedback with me. Despite this drawback, I will still be on the prowl for new and rising iPhone innovations, and the faithful few who check my blog will be the first to know.

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"If a promise you don't keep, it will haunt you in your sleep, and as you lay beneath your quilt, you will have a conscience full of guilt" Stu Pickels

Even though the above quotation is from The Rugrats, I think there's a lot of truth in it. Okay- perhaps you won't lose an ounce of sleep over breaking a promise, but it's still a good idea to keep them, y'know? And for that reason, I'm crafting this blog from the most creative convolution of my brain....mmm...it feels like it's coming from the left side at present, and I'm doing so this week just like I said I would. I kept my promise.*

* = The promise above refers to my facebook status where I promised a blog this week. For those of you who are my facebook friends, you know what's going on; for those of you who follow the facebook widget I added at the right of my page, you, too, know. All roads lead to home; in this case home is my facebook status.

Well, although I've managed to keep my promise in composing and publishing a new blog, I've failed on a larger scale at keeping up with my blog. It's been over a month since I've released my thoughts to cyberspace, and a lot has happened. I've partly been unable to blog because I worked at a summer camp in New York this summer which tried to remove campers from technology and modern ammenities. As a result, I slept in a cabin, seldom got to use my cellular, and rarely used my lap top. Now, I'm back on campus, and I'm willing and able to blog. Here goes.

Since my last post, I've been sworn in as Sophomore President of the Class of 2012, and I've completed Precalculus and Calculus I over the summer. I've also survived a summer of counseling a 2 sessions of campers who found it quite amusing to pick on me because I most always wear American Eagle attire. Now that summer's over, I wake up and stare a 20 credit hour semester jam packed with 7 classes in the face every morning. At times it's daunting, and I become mildly overwhelmed, but a few things have helped me cope with this seemingly insuperable course list. Firstly, I'd have to say faith has a lot to do with it. So many professors and friends have advised that I drop classes and not even attempt to juggle this load with extracurriculars and student government. Secondly, my friends who share similar ambitions and life goals keep me on track. If they can do it, I can do it too. Thirdly, the woman in the series of pictures above is quite inspiring. This isn't pure hogwash here, readers. While you may easily relate to my first two reasons, the third one, I feel, needs a bit of explanation, and explain I will!

According to that famous Guinness Book of World Records, a nutrionalist at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor met a woman, whose name escapes both me and cyberspace, who requested a fiber rich diet so as to acquire the world record for the longest poop. After roughly a month long period, she let go her fecal matter accross the wooden floors. It measured a stunning 26 feet in length- roughly the size of human intestines. "How'd she keep it in?", you ask? I'll tell you.

A buttplug.

No joke. Doubt me? You try holding poop in for more than a week. It just peekes out of your bum hole like a turtle's head through a shell- or so I've heard. It's only natural. Here, I'll illustrate it below. Use your imagination.

There you have it, folksies. So, in moments of strife and in the midst of untried academic waters which threaten to obliterate any aspirations I have of attending Medical School, I think of this unsung hero in the realm of fecal matter who risked poisoning herself by keeping waste nestled within the convolutions of her intestine to achieve a world record. If she can keep poop inside for that long, then I certainly can press through this academic year, and so can you. The only question is:

What's your buttplug?

Post your comments below. Let me know what your buttplug is/was/will be to get you through a tough time.

Again, thanks for reading!